Recently a male friend of mine joked that he had never read Cosmo because he was, after all, a guy and a straight guy at that.
This made me realize that there are a lot of men out there who have absolutely no idea what Cosmo is about. Before I continue with this I want to warn you now that this whole blog is going to be about the contents of Cosmo and while I promise not to be any more explicit here than Cosmo is in the pages of their magazine that's kinda like promising that I'm not going to write about anything more sexual than what you might see in your run-of-the-mill porno. So if you choose to continue to read this...well, you've been warned.
First of all, while my friend implied that being a straight man made him an unlikely Cosmo reader the truth is that Cosmo is so specifically and explicitly about heterosexual relations it's hard to imagine that a gay guy would get a lot out of it but it's incredibly easy to see why a straight guy might find it interesting. You know that song by Prince (and later covered by the Foo Fighters) titled Darling Nikki? Remember how the lyrics say: "Met her in a hotel lobby masturbating with a magazine?" That magazine was probably a Cosmopolitan. For instance, in the most recent issue the cover story is "How To Touch A Naked Man." However that's Cosmo's way of being subtle so as not to offend those who might not actually want to know the details of that story. Those who are motivated to actually open the magazine up will see that inside the covers Cosmo has altered the title of the main article to read: The Sexiest Spots To Touch Him (Down There). According to Cosmo's top notch journalists and sex experts the male genitalia has not one, not two but, count 'em FIVE distinct erogenous zones that they label the T-Spot, the B-Spot, the F-Spot, the R-Spot and lastly, the P-Spot. Cosmo wants their readers to know how to deal with every single one of them. For instance the T-Spot is the tip of the penis and one of the many things Cosmo suggests you do with it is:
...climb on top, and don't take him all the way inside you at first. Instead, slide up and down only on the head of his penis. Next, move totally off him, them take in just the first inch or 2 of him again. The start-stop combo with a focus on his most nerve-filled spot will get him even harder--exactly how you want him right before you're ready to go for the gold.
You gotta love the timely Olympic reference there. On the other hand the P-Spot is the patch of skin between his testicles and anus. For this Cosmo suggests:
During oral, stop lavishing his shaft with your tongue, and bring your lips to this pleasure patch. Purse them together like you're going in for a kiss, but instead of a smooch lightly suck on the skin.
Cosmo goes on to explain that while ice is too cold for a penis, a cool mango is just about perfect and if you take a small bit of mango, chew it up (don't swallow...no pun intended) and then go down on your man it will give him a "feel-good tingle."
In fact their directions are so detailed and precise I would think that most readers would feel the need to bring a cheat sheet into the bedroom. Or you could just kick it Sarah Palin style and write some helpful reminders on your hand: 1) no swallowing mango 2) on off 2" 3) go 4 gold!!
And you should see what Cosmo suggests you do with a fine-tooth comb! (Hint: you will want to wash it before you use it on your hair again).
As far as Cosmo is concerned everything comes back to sex. Why (according to Cosmo) should women fight obesity? Because physically fit women have stronger orgasms. Perhaps weight loss programs would get even more participants if they used that point as a marketing tool: "Wanna get more out of your vibrator? Try Weight Watchers!"
The funny thing is that I'm referencing/quoting from Cosmo's December and March issues. Neither of those are their sex issue which is put out in August (or to use their words, August is when they publish their "Hot Issue.")
Years ago a group called Morality In Media took Cosmo to task for their "obscene" content. They used the two page scene excerpted from a book in Cosmo's Red-Hot-Reads section to prove their point. That scene happened to be from my second book, Passion, Betrayal And Killer Highlights. Now when you consider what else is in the pages of Cosmo the very fact that MY sex scene would be seen as something that epitomized all that...well, to be honest I was really quite honored.
Anyway, if you're a guy and you've been glancing at Cosmo and dismissing it as just another woman's fashion magazine you are COMPLETELY missing the point. Perhaps you already know about all your assorted zones but if a woman your with ever pulls out a fine tooth comb and a mango and invites you into the bedroom at least you'll know what's going on.
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