Lately men have been calling me “baby.” I’m not talking about a bunch of construction workers trying to pass the time on their lunch break (although at my age even that would be worth raising an eyebrow over). I’m talking about men I date and men who I have no romantic connection to at all but apparently just use the word as part of their standard lexicon, like “Hey baby, how's it going?” It’s like a regular 70s revival.
But aside from the fact that this particular term of endearment feels dated to me it also doesn’t feel like it’s a word that actually fits me. There are some women who it does fit. They’re the femme fatales of the world. The Cosmo girls and the Bond girls. Those aren’t roles that I play...at least they weren’t until recently. Because lately I haven’t been behaving like myself in regards to my dating life. I haven’t really been behaving like myself in that area for almost a year now and I’m still trying to figure out why I did certain things and why I strayed so far from my M.O. in regards to how I conducted myself within the contexts of certain relationships. But that was during the first half of this year. Now that we’re in the second half it’s a totally different story. I can’t even imagine being tempted to do some of the stuff I did (or behave the way I did, which was childish and unfair) in the first half of this year.
But here’s the thing: in the first part of this year I could never have imagined doing the things I’m doing now.
All of a sudden I am playing the role of Bond girl, Cosmo girl and even Carrie Bradshaw...right down to the designer shoes. I even have an emotionally unavailable Mr. Big and there’s an Aidan who’s been pursuing me for a few weeks now. This is not my life. It’s the life of some twenty-something blonde who has been called “baby” so many times it’s hard to remember her real name. And I don’t really want to be a Cosmo girl or Carrie Bradshaw (although I’m keeping the shoes). I was pretty content with being Kyra, the woman who, in her relationships, was relatively low maintenance (although she occasionally liked to be spoiled), straight forward (no game-playing), perhaps a little too cautious with her heart, flirtatious, sometimes silly, independent and logical. That’s the woman who every man who has been with me before the latter part of 2009 knew and no one called her baby.
But aside from the fact that this particular term of endearment feels dated to me it also doesn’t feel like it’s a word that actually fits me. There are some women who it does fit. They’re the femme fatales of the world. The Cosmo girls and the Bond girls. Those aren’t roles that I play...at least they weren’t until recently. Because lately I haven’t been behaving like myself in regards to my dating life. I haven’t really been behaving like myself in that area for almost a year now and I’m still trying to figure out why I did certain things and why I strayed so far from my M.O. in regards to how I conducted myself within the contexts of certain relationships. But that was during the first half of this year. Now that we’re in the second half it’s a totally different story. I can’t even imagine being tempted to do some of the stuff I did (or behave the way I did, which was childish and unfair) in the first half of this year.
But here’s the thing: in the first part of this year I could never have imagined doing the things I’m doing now.
All of a sudden I am playing the role of Bond girl, Cosmo girl and even Carrie Bradshaw...right down to the designer shoes. I even have an emotionally unavailable Mr. Big and there’s an Aidan who’s been pursuing me for a few weeks now. This is not my life. It’s the life of some twenty-something blonde who has been called “baby” so many times it’s hard to remember her real name. And I don’t really want to be a Cosmo girl or Carrie Bradshaw (although I’m keeping the shoes). I was pretty content with being Kyra, the woman who, in her relationships, was relatively low maintenance (although she occasionally liked to be spoiled), straight forward (no game-playing), perhaps a little too cautious with her heart, flirtatious, sometimes silly, independent and logical. That’s the woman who every man who has been with me before the latter part of 2009 knew and no one called her baby.
But when your life starts to resemble a season of Sex And The City it’s hard not to channel your inner Carrie. To be honest, it may be the only way to make the season turn out well. I’ve even watched a few Sex And The City reruns recently in order to get a greater understanding my new reality and I’ve read some of the Cosmo articles (they have a few that actually don’t have to do with sex...not many, but a few) for tips on how to navigate this unfamiliar territory.
Yes, you read that right, I’ve been using Sex And The City and Cosmo as TEACHING TOOLS. How bizarre is that?!
But I’m not abandoning the “Kyra” of days of yore. I’m just sort of creating a composite character based on her. This Kyra still doesn’t like to play games but recognizes that there are times when a little Cosmo-style coquettishness doesn’t hurt. This Kyra still doesn’t expect the man she’s dating to take her shopping but she’s not going to feel guilty about it when he does. And like Carrie, this Kyra is comfortable wearing her new $500 boots (or at least she will be when the temperature outside drops below 100 degrees).
This Kyra is able to demand respect in a world where the men have started to call her baby.
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1 comment:
Good for you!
I truly believe that the rules really are different in L.A. I had a VERY hard time there. Probably because I was too insecure. (Actually, that probably helped me fit in, at least back when I was acting, lol!)
You totally rock!
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