Sorry to have disappeared on you for so long. I was sort of consumed with writing. Anyway, I'm coming up for air long enough to take on Allure magazine. I never used to pay any attention to Allure but then I was given a year subscription as a free gift with purchase so now when it arrives in the mail I give it a precursory glance. This last issue had Catherine Zeta Jones on the cover and the caption informs readers that inside there is a layout of Catherine completely nude. My first thought was, "Allure's target demographic is straight women, right? Why would I want to see Catherine naked?" When I opened the magazine I realized that there were a lot of naked women featured. Emmanuelle Chiriqui, Colbie Caillat, Kara Dioguardi, Jessica Capshaw, Regina Hall and so on and so forth. Apparently this is Allure's annual "nude issue." According to the article they are challenging these actresses to confront their body issues by bearing it all. So then of course I have to ask, what is the point of asking a size two actress who works out every day of her life to confront her body issues? Do they actually think that showing these women naked is empowering? Do they think their readers are saying, "Wow, if Catherine Zeta Jones is okay with her body then maybe I can be too?" And it's not like they were featuring Jessica Capshaw's on-air girlfriend, Sara Ramirez, or any woman who is bigger than a size 4 or, God forbid, over 50. And if this is some kind of modern-feminist statement then perhaps someone should clue in the people at the Huffington Post who have Allure's nude photos up on their site so readers can rate which female celebrity, "wears nothing best."
In fact Kara Dioguardi actually admits that she would never have felt comfortable enough to strip down for the cameras when she was in her 20s and had an eating problem that brought her to a whopping size 6. Now she claims she has a healthy attitude about food and is a more acceptable size 2.
I'm sorry, but I just don't see how this is helpful to anyone. Most people who have problems with binge eating are bigger than a size 6. Not all of them of course, but most. And most American women who DON'T have eating disorders are bigger than a size six. Sooo...is the article designed to make millions of women feel like they have a problem? And if we're really trying to get these women to face their own body issues should they really have airbrushed every single photo?
Look, I'm a size 2 as well and yes, there are things I'd like to change about my body but I'm not going to pretend that when I show up at the beach in a bikini the women in the area are going to gasp and say, "Wow, she's so courageous for exposing herself like that!" Furthermore, I, like Dioguardi, was a size 6 when I was in my early twenties and guess what? That wasn't fat. It wasn't even chubby. And Allure isn't being cutting edge by doing what GQ, Sports Illustrated and Maxim have been doing for years. If Allure really wants to make women feel better about themselves perhaps they could put aside the photoshop for even one full photo shoot. The models/celebrities wouldn't even have to be nude. The very fact that they aren't being digitally enhanced would be revolutionary.
I'm in no means a prude. If Allure wants to have naked women in their magazine once a year I have no problem with that. But I wish they'd be honest about it and admit that this has nothing to do with challenging celebrities to be brave and face their body issues. It's about featuring beautiful celebrities perfectly posed because the pictures are pretty and have commercial appeal. If women want to feel empowered to overcome their body issues they should turn to the Dove soap ads. Allure's nude issue isn't going to help.
Kyra DavisBestselling Author of:
The Sophie Katz Murder Mystery Series,
and
SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING
Pre-order Vows, Vendettas & A Little Black Dress today!
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
ATTN Readers In Maryland/DC/Virginia and NYC!
Almost every year I take my son back to Maryland shortly after his June 7th birthday so he can have another birthday celebration with his dad's side of the family. Since my books usually come out at the end of May I try to set up book signings and events in the area while I'm there. This year my son made an additional request. He wanted to know if after seeing his family we might be able to go to New York and see the city. I've been to New York several times in the last five years, usually to meet with my publisher or go to BEA (Book Expo America) and various other work related events. I never have very much free time during those trips so I rarely bring my son. In fact I believe the last time I brought him to New York he was four years old. He's turning eleven in June and of course his memory of that last trip is fuzzy at best. So I'm taking the child to the big city and to all the museums he's been reading about online and to the giant Toys R Us in Times Square so he can see the twenty ft. tall animatronic T-Rex and to central park and so on and so forth. I'm also considering doing some kind of book event in the area for my May release, Vows, Vendettas & A Little Black Dress. I'm actually a little insecure about that last part. I've been told by publicist after publicist that New York is a notoriously difficult market and I don't doubt it. So many authors live there and people have a gazillion choices in regards to how to spend their time. In other words a book signing event by a small author is hardly a big attraction. Of course I could do an event slightly outside the city OR I could do something much less formal, like pick a bar, lounge or coffee shop and invite readers to join me there (with books for me to sign if you choose) and we could all just hang out and chat. The latter actually could be fun although it's somewhat unconventional and not knowing New York that well I might have a hard time choosing a location that would be appropriate.
But it will be much easier for me to figure out what to do and where to do it if I hear from you. If you live in the Maryland or the DC area or if you live in or around New York city and are interested in attending an event or if you have a book group that you'd like me to speak at let me know by emailing me through my website or Facebook. I already have one event that I'm in the process of setting up in Virginia so if you live in that area and would like to meet me you too should email me so I can see about setting up an additional event there. I'm actually doing all this at the last minute so the sooner I hear from you the more likely it'll be that I'll be able to set something up.
I love writing but one of the problems with being an author is that it can be rather isolating. It's just me and my computer and occasionally the voice of my editor over the phone. It's not very often that I get to connect with readers face-to-face and I hope that this June I'll get a chance to meet you...at least those of you who live on the East Coast.
Kyra Davis
Bestselling Author of:
The Sophie Katz Murder Mystery Series,
and
SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING
Pre-order Vows, Vendettas & A Little Black Dress today!
But it will be much easier for me to figure out what to do and where to do it if I hear from you. If you live in the Maryland or the DC area or if you live in or around New York city and are interested in attending an event or if you have a book group that you'd like me to speak at let me know by emailing me through my website or Facebook. I already have one event that I'm in the process of setting up in Virginia so if you live in that area and would like to meet me you too should email me so I can see about setting up an additional event there. I'm actually doing all this at the last minute so the sooner I hear from you the more likely it'll be that I'll be able to set something up.
I love writing but one of the problems with being an author is that it can be rather isolating. It's just me and my computer and occasionally the voice of my editor over the phone. It's not very often that I get to connect with readers face-to-face and I hope that this June I'll get a chance to meet you...at least those of you who live on the East Coast.
Kyra Davis
Bestselling Author of:
The Sophie Katz Murder Mystery Series,
and
SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING
Pre-order Vows, Vendettas & A Little Black Dress today!
Thursday, April 08, 2010
A Nick-Hornby-Induced-Break-Through
A little while ago I started reading Nick Hornby's About A Boy to my son. Yes, it's an adult book with adult themes but I thought the boy in the story (Marcus) was a character that my son could relate to and that it was a story he might learn from. For those of you who haven't read it, Marcus is 12 and a bit of a social outcast. He doesn't fit in with the other students and he finds this 30-something year old guy (Will) who is all about being a hipster and Will shows Marcus how he can sort of fit in without being a total follower. I'm seriously simplifying here but you get the idea. So we're about 1/4 of the way into the book and my son and I started talking about Marcus and his difficult school experiences which bear a slight resemblance to his experiences at the school that I initially enrolled him in when we moved to LA. My son was quiet for a moment and then said, very slowly, "that's no how I like to remember that school. But that's the way it was, wasn't it? I didn't fit in at all."
I was silent. My son had been whitewashing his experience at public school since I pulled him out of it. Now I had apparently said/read something that had ripped the rose colored glasses off.
"I sat alone at lunch," he went on. "The kids teased me. There was only one kid who was nice to me."
"That one kid was important," I said quickly. "You're still close friends with her."
"But she was it!" Tears were filling his eyes now. "No one else! I've never fit in! I haven't been able to make it in any school I've been in except for homeschooling and the school I'm going to now! And what happens when I have to leave this school! It'll be the same thing!"
"Okay, we don't know that--"
But my son hadn't finished. "I have all these impulses!" He continued. "I want to make a weird noise or move in a weird way and I try to mask all of it in humor, like I'm just clowning around but it isn't funny! Sometimes I just start talking to myself and then I have to pretend that I'm talking to someone else so people don't think I'm crazy! And that's why I'm always talking about cloning and science because even when I don't have big thoughts in my head it's easier to talk about that stuff then to stop and think about how I just don't fit in! At every other school I've been bullied or excluded! What's going to happen when I have to leave this school, mom?"
I took a deep breath. I hadn't actually been prepared for any of this. "I think what we need to do is try to use the time you do have at this school to learn how to connect with your peers. This school is all about helping kids fit in without becoming sheep and so we're going to try to learn those lessons and I promise you, I will do everything in my power to keep you out of school environments that aren't healthy for you."
My son nodded and seemed to accept this but he had a hard time sleeping that night. "I can't stop thinking about the stuff I don't want to think about," he explained as he crawled into my bed at four in the morning.
The next day, while I was working out he Googled "bullying." Later he told me of all the news stories he had read. Of schools ignoring the problem, of kids committing suicide because of the taunts and threats of their peers. He was in tears and just so confused and distraught.
It had never occurred to me that I would get all this out of a Nick Hornby novel. If I HAD suspected this reaction I might have held off on giving him the book and I certainly wouldn't have read it to him at bedtime. My son has always been "different." I've lost count of how many teachers and school psycologist have told me that they have never worked with anyone quite like him. His low tolerance for frustration, some of his sensory issues and his anxiety levels reminds them of someone who is on the autism spectrum. But then he engages very well (particularly with adults), he can read facial expressions perfectly and understands social situations. He speaks in metaphors and reads and writes poetry, enjoys sarcasm and likes it when his routine gets switched up at the last minute in order to keep things fresh. All of those things are distinctly NOT autistic to the point that the last couple of psychiatrists I've brought him to have actually balked at the suggestion. There's ADHD. That's definitely a component but it's also true that my son is a lot more focused than he seems. Just because he's running around the room and touching everything within reach doesn't mean he's not absorbing and processing every single word of a quiet conversation that is going on in the corner. He's incredibly bright and everybody remarks on it but he'd be hard pressed to pass a test because of his serious school anxiety and he general...well, disinterest in tests. This school seems to be making progress with him (and, if you count our homeschooling program, this is his 6th school since kindergarten so that's kinda huge) but it's just too expensive for me to keep him in it for long. I adore my son. I want him to be able to achieve his dreams and make friends and feel comfortable in his own skin. But it is hard sometimes, and heartbreaking. I have been told by psychiatrists at Stanford that I need to heavily medicate him because I'm sacrificing too much of my life for him (with the homeschooling and all). But I won't do that because of the unknown side-effects plus I'm not really sure there's anything exactly "wrong" with him that absolutely requires serious medicating. But there's no doubt that doing this as a single parent is exhausting and if I do have to give up this school (and don't find a suitable substitute) I'm the one who is going to need medication.
And yet I know that this recent Hornby-induced revelation is progress. I know that his willingness to address these issues is a reason for new hope. It's a tough journey but I honestly believe that we'll get through it and like the Hornby book, this story is going to have a happy ending.
Kyra Davis
Bestselling Author of:
The Sophie Katz Murder Mystery Series,
and
SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING
Pre-order Vows, Vendettas & A Little Black Dress today!
I was silent. My son had been whitewashing his experience at public school since I pulled him out of it. Now I had apparently said/read something that had ripped the rose colored glasses off.
"I sat alone at lunch," he went on. "The kids teased me. There was only one kid who was nice to me."
"That one kid was important," I said quickly. "You're still close friends with her."
"But she was it!" Tears were filling his eyes now. "No one else! I've never fit in! I haven't been able to make it in any school I've been in except for homeschooling and the school I'm going to now! And what happens when I have to leave this school! It'll be the same thing!"
"Okay, we don't know that--"
But my son hadn't finished. "I have all these impulses!" He continued. "I want to make a weird noise or move in a weird way and I try to mask all of it in humor, like I'm just clowning around but it isn't funny! Sometimes I just start talking to myself and then I have to pretend that I'm talking to someone else so people don't think I'm crazy! And that's why I'm always talking about cloning and science because even when I don't have big thoughts in my head it's easier to talk about that stuff then to stop and think about how I just don't fit in! At every other school I've been bullied or excluded! What's going to happen when I have to leave this school, mom?"
I took a deep breath. I hadn't actually been prepared for any of this. "I think what we need to do is try to use the time you do have at this school to learn how to connect with your peers. This school is all about helping kids fit in without becoming sheep and so we're going to try to learn those lessons and I promise you, I will do everything in my power to keep you out of school environments that aren't healthy for you."
My son nodded and seemed to accept this but he had a hard time sleeping that night. "I can't stop thinking about the stuff I don't want to think about," he explained as he crawled into my bed at four in the morning.
The next day, while I was working out he Googled "bullying." Later he told me of all the news stories he had read. Of schools ignoring the problem, of kids committing suicide because of the taunts and threats of their peers. He was in tears and just so confused and distraught.
It had never occurred to me that I would get all this out of a Nick Hornby novel. If I HAD suspected this reaction I might have held off on giving him the book and I certainly wouldn't have read it to him at bedtime. My son has always been "different." I've lost count of how many teachers and school psycologist have told me that they have never worked with anyone quite like him. His low tolerance for frustration, some of his sensory issues and his anxiety levels reminds them of someone who is on the autism spectrum. But then he engages very well (particularly with adults), he can read facial expressions perfectly and understands social situations. He speaks in metaphors and reads and writes poetry, enjoys sarcasm and likes it when his routine gets switched up at the last minute in order to keep things fresh. All of those things are distinctly NOT autistic to the point that the last couple of psychiatrists I've brought him to have actually balked at the suggestion. There's ADHD. That's definitely a component but it's also true that my son is a lot more focused than he seems. Just because he's running around the room and touching everything within reach doesn't mean he's not absorbing and processing every single word of a quiet conversation that is going on in the corner. He's incredibly bright and everybody remarks on it but he'd be hard pressed to pass a test because of his serious school anxiety and he general...well, disinterest in tests. This school seems to be making progress with him (and, if you count our homeschooling program, this is his 6th school since kindergarten so that's kinda huge) but it's just too expensive for me to keep him in it for long. I adore my son. I want him to be able to achieve his dreams and make friends and feel comfortable in his own skin. But it is hard sometimes, and heartbreaking. I have been told by psychiatrists at Stanford that I need to heavily medicate him because I'm sacrificing too much of my life for him (with the homeschooling and all). But I won't do that because of the unknown side-effects plus I'm not really sure there's anything exactly "wrong" with him that absolutely requires serious medicating. But there's no doubt that doing this as a single parent is exhausting and if I do have to give up this school (and don't find a suitable substitute) I'm the one who is going to need medication.
And yet I know that this recent Hornby-induced revelation is progress. I know that his willingness to address these issues is a reason for new hope. It's a tough journey but I honestly believe that we'll get through it and like the Hornby book, this story is going to have a happy ending.
BTW: While you are free to comment please DON’T TRY TO DIAGNOSE HIM BASED ON THIS BLOG. I’ve heard it all and I’m no longer interested in labels.
Kyra Davis
Bestselling Author of:
The Sophie Katz Murder Mystery Series,
and
SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING
Pre-order Vows, Vendettas & A Little Black Dress today!
Monday, April 05, 2010
Success Comes In Many Different Forms
People have this idea that in order for a romantic relationship to be a success you have to end up together. There's no question that the little old couple you see holding hands, walking through the park, are a success story. They may even be the ideal success story, but what they can't do is represent all the other kinds of romantic success stories out there.
My marriage (which ended many years ago now) was a mess. The emotional and financial fallout from everything that went down was fairly devastating. And yet if it wasn't for my ex-husband I wouldn't have my son. Furthermore it was that emotional fallout that inspired me to pick up a pen and write a murder mystery. Seriously. And then there's So Much For My Happy Ending, a novel that is really nothing more than a highly fictionalized autobiography. That book helped a lot of women. I couldn't have written it if my marriage had been healthy. Lastly I learned my own strength. I had never thought of myself as being strong before. At least not emotionally. But he showed me exactly how well I could handle myself in emergency situations. That was an incredibly valuable lesson. In other words, that marriage produced a life and the divorce launched a career and the whole thing taught me some valuable lessons. I'm not going to thank my ex for that any more than the Haitians are going to thank the earthquake for causing enough destruction to motivate the world community to help them rebuild their country. Still, how can I say that the marriage was a failure? Clearly it wasn't.
Then came my first real affair. I met him at a party and he took me out for drinks and then to a jazz club. One thing led to another and then...well. I couldn't emotionally invest in a relationship at that time. But I was ready for some fun and I told him that. He was more than happy to help me out. He cooked for me, took me dancing, he even took me on a seriously fun vacation to Playa Del Carmen. And while he was doing all this he would also listen to me. He helped me gain perspective on what had taken place during my marriage and I desperately needed that. There were none of the complications or risks of misunderstanding that typically occur within male-female relations because we had made rules that prevented that from happening. That meant that whenever I went out with him it was completely stress free, in fact our dates were the only stress-free time during that horrible period of my life. Eventually this guy met a woman who really was much better suited for him than I could ever have been. He fell in love with her and unlike me she did want to commit. So that was the end of the affair and as far as I know he's still with that woman. So no, that affair never turned into anything more than..well than an affair. But as relationships go that one was incredibly successful. That affair and the friendship that went along with it got me through one of the most difficult times of my life. I will always be grateful for it.
Of course there have been other men too. A select few I have loved, some I just liked a lot. A few of them have hurt me, although I really don't think that any of them did so intentionally. But they also brought me a lot of comfort and happiness. Those relationships, flirtations, dates, whatever...they were and are incredibly valuable to me. If I had to do it all over again I would still include every one of them in my life at the time that they were in my life. I'd detail everything my last boyfriend gave me but then this would be a ten page blog.
Recently I ended what had become an online romance with someone who lives thousands of miles away from me. It was supposed to be an innocent flirtation but it quickly morphed into a friendship and then eventually my emotional investment got to be more than what was appropriate, especially when you consider that we couldn't actually be together. So I stopped emailing and calling and I asked him to give me some space. It was very hard to do because this guy really has become one of my best friends but when I finally got it through my thick skull that we weren't going to ever even meet I decided to take myself out of that fantasy world before I got lost in it. This man now thinks that he's hurt me, that he's somehow messed up my life. I have news for him, my life was pretty messy before he came along. Yes, he's made me cry a few times but I've also completely lost count of the number of times he's made me smile. He made me feel good about myself and gave me self-confidence at a time when I was feeling insecure. He comforted me when I was sad and he was there for me when I felt lonely. Those were and are gifts; gifts that he couldn't take back even if he wanted to. Yes, this last chapter hurt but that pain is a small price to pay for everything I got.
Kyra Davis
Bestselling Author of:
The Sophie Katz Murder Mystery Series,
and
SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING
Pre-order Vows, Vendettas & A Little Black Dress today!
My marriage (which ended many years ago now) was a mess. The emotional and financial fallout from everything that went down was fairly devastating. And yet if it wasn't for my ex-husband I wouldn't have my son. Furthermore it was that emotional fallout that inspired me to pick up a pen and write a murder mystery. Seriously. And then there's So Much For My Happy Ending, a novel that is really nothing more than a highly fictionalized autobiography. That book helped a lot of women. I couldn't have written it if my marriage had been healthy. Lastly I learned my own strength. I had never thought of myself as being strong before. At least not emotionally. But he showed me exactly how well I could handle myself in emergency situations. That was an incredibly valuable lesson. In other words, that marriage produced a life and the divorce launched a career and the whole thing taught me some valuable lessons. I'm not going to thank my ex for that any more than the Haitians are going to thank the earthquake for causing enough destruction to motivate the world community to help them rebuild their country. Still, how can I say that the marriage was a failure? Clearly it wasn't.
Then came my first real affair. I met him at a party and he took me out for drinks and then to a jazz club. One thing led to another and then...well. I couldn't emotionally invest in a relationship at that time. But I was ready for some fun and I told him that. He was more than happy to help me out. He cooked for me, took me dancing, he even took me on a seriously fun vacation to Playa Del Carmen. And while he was doing all this he would also listen to me. He helped me gain perspective on what had taken place during my marriage and I desperately needed that. There were none of the complications or risks of misunderstanding that typically occur within male-female relations because we had made rules that prevented that from happening. That meant that whenever I went out with him it was completely stress free, in fact our dates were the only stress-free time during that horrible period of my life. Eventually this guy met a woman who really was much better suited for him than I could ever have been. He fell in love with her and unlike me she did want to commit. So that was the end of the affair and as far as I know he's still with that woman. So no, that affair never turned into anything more than..well than an affair. But as relationships go that one was incredibly successful. That affair and the friendship that went along with it got me through one of the most difficult times of my life. I will always be grateful for it.
Of course there have been other men too. A select few I have loved, some I just liked a lot. A few of them have hurt me, although I really don't think that any of them did so intentionally. But they also brought me a lot of comfort and happiness. Those relationships, flirtations, dates, whatever...they were and are incredibly valuable to me. If I had to do it all over again I would still include every one of them in my life at the time that they were in my life. I'd detail everything my last boyfriend gave me but then this would be a ten page blog.
Recently I ended what had become an online romance with someone who lives thousands of miles away from me. It was supposed to be an innocent flirtation but it quickly morphed into a friendship and then eventually my emotional investment got to be more than what was appropriate, especially when you consider that we couldn't actually be together. So I stopped emailing and calling and I asked him to give me some space. It was very hard to do because this guy really has become one of my best friends but when I finally got it through my thick skull that we weren't going to ever even meet I decided to take myself out of that fantasy world before I got lost in it. This man now thinks that he's hurt me, that he's somehow messed up my life. I have news for him, my life was pretty messy before he came along. Yes, he's made me cry a few times but I've also completely lost count of the number of times he's made me smile. He made me feel good about myself and gave me self-confidence at a time when I was feeling insecure. He comforted me when I was sad and he was there for me when I felt lonely. Those were and are gifts; gifts that he couldn't take back even if he wanted to. Yes, this last chapter hurt but that pain is a small price to pay for everything I got.
Kyra Davis
Bestselling Author of:
The Sophie Katz Murder Mystery Series,
and
SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING
Pre-order Vows, Vendettas & A Little Black Dress today!
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