I Have Pride, Fear & Trust...And A New Cover To Boot!

In Terry Prachett's book, I Shall Wear Midnight, the protagonist realizes she has the three things one needs to conquer a challenge. The first is Pride:

Oh, you hear them say it's a sin; you hear them say it goes before a fall. And that can't be true. The blacksmith prides himself on a good weld...the shepherd prides himself on keeping the wolf from the flock...We pride ourselves on making a good history of our lives, a good story to be told

The second is Fear:

I...have fear...the fear that I will let others down--and because I fear, I will overcome that fear.

The third is Trust:

I have trust, even though I am not sure what it is that I am trusting.

As I face the daunting challenge of self-publishing the next book in the Sophie series I too have pride, fear and trust. I pride myself on my work. I don't want to release anything that I am not truly proud to put my name on. And because of that I am going over this book carefully, rewriting passages that I think could be better and so on. I'm doing everything I can to make this the best Sophie book yet.

I definitely have fear. I'm scared that I'm not going to have all my ducks in a row by March 2nd, the deadline I set up for myself. I'm scared that the book won't sell well. I'm scared that I'm going to totally screw this up. And because I'm so scared I'm working my ass off. I'm trying to look at things from every angle. I wake up thinking about this project and it's the last thing on my mind when I go to bed.

And I have trust. In this case I am putting my trust in you, all of my readers who have continued to support me throughout the years. I'm trusting that you will buy this book and that you will encourage your friends to do the same. I'll be selling the ebook for $3.99 (I'm recession proofing it). I'm trusting that my readers will, for the price of a Starbucks coffee, take Sophie to the next level. And why wouldn't I trust my readers, particularly when I have readers like Zee Monodee who lives on the island nation, Mauritius (a little over 500 miles East of Madagascar) who contacted me and offered to create the next cover for the Sophie series she has come to love. She actually offered to do this shortly before I officially asked for help (so on top of being talented, she's apparently psychic). I told her I wanted the title, Vanity, Vengeance & A Weekend In Vegas to be the most prominent thing. I wanted there to be a silhouette of Sophie, but I didn't want her to be like the Sophie's as imagined by Mira and Red Dress Ink. Don't get me wrong, I liked those covers...but they didn't have  anything to do with the character I created. In Lust, Loathing & A Little Lip Gloss we see Sophie calmly applying lipstick while handcuffed. The illustration is the epitome of a glamour girl.

She's gorgeous, perfectly put together, polished...and that's not Sophie. The lipgloss in the title is a reference to the Strawberry Shortcake lipgloss she wore when she was a little girl. When have we ever seen Sophie stressing about her make-up? When have we seen her with perfectly smooth, highlighted hair? When have we seen her carefully putting together a high fashion outfit? Never. We never see that. It's not who Sophie is. Is she a bit of a hipster? Yes. But she's real.  Bridget Jones and Becky Bloomwood (of the Shopaholic books) are real too and I like them but they're nothing like Sophie either.  Too often people who don't  like the Bridget Jones/Shopaholic style heroines have told me that they were surprised by how much they like Sophie. "She's so smart!" they exclaim, "and sarcastic and independent! I would never have guessed from the cover but..."

And right there, that last sentence, that's the one that drives me crazy. I want a smart, sarcastic, independent hipster Sophie on my cover. I don't want the glamour girl. Zee gave me that:

That's my Sophie. Sporting her Free People flare pants shooting a dollar sign out of a pistol.  That's the girl I created. Thin but not supermodel skinny. Fashionable but not from the covers of Vogue. This Sophie's tough and more than a little fun. I put my trust in Zee and she came through for me.

Tomorrow (Friday, 02/24) I put out the fourth chapter of my Vanity, Vengeance & A Weekend In Vegas and then the following Friday (March 2nd) you will be able to buy the whole book. You'll definitely be able to buy it through Amazon but hopefully it will be up and ready to buy for Barnes & Noble's Nook as well. Around that same time I'll be making a paperback book available for those who like to actually hold a book in their hands and if the book sells well I'll produce the audiobook (and if it sells REALLY well I'll have the book translated into French for my many French readers).

So I have Pride, I have fear and I have trust in you and now I even have a cover. I really think we can make this work :-)

Kyra Davis
Bestselling Author of:
The Sophie Katz Murder Mystery Series, 
and 
SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING

More news on the upcoming Sophie book: Vanity, Vengeance & A Weekend In Vegas

Last time I posted here I mentioned that I was getting ready to release my first self-published novel. I'm scared and excited and overwhelmed. I have six books published to date, all by the traditional means. This is my first time doing this completely on my own.  Taking ownership of this project feels akin to taking ownership of my life. If this fails it will be completely on me. If it succeeds it will be my success. I won't be able to blame anyone else for a bad cover or bad promotion or bad editing.

And that's what I want. I want to feel in control of my life. I don't want anyone to hand me anything or prop me up.  Next to my son, this book has become my primary focus.  As a single mom who works at home I tend to crave social interaction with other adults but lately I've been turning down invitations left and right so I can spend more time with my characters.

Oh, and I've stopped dating. That may not sound like a big deal but it is for me. I've come to realize that I frequently use dating in the same way other people use drugs and alcohol. When I'm wrapped up in a budding romance that involves trying to figure some guy out and stressing over  my nails, my hair, my make-up, my waxings and so on, I'm not thinking about the things that scare me...like launching my own book. It's probably why I've always been so fond of "transition men," too. When I leave a relationship that means something to me I tend to look for someone who can distract me from that pain...just like an alcoholic who tries to fix a hangover with a Bloody Mary.  So no dating until I get this thing released. Not only will the temporary absence of men make me more productive but it will ensure that when I do go out with the next guy I'll know that I'm with him because I genuinely like him, not because I'm using him as a means of not dealing with other issues in my life.

So men of LA? You're going to have to look elsewhere for a while, at the very least until March 2nd. That's the day I'll be launching my next book: Vanity, Vengeance & A Weekend In Vegas. I've been playing with the title but I'm going to be sticking with this one. I like it and it was a collaborative effort between me and my twelve year old.  I'll give him a cut of the revenues...which is to say that I'll pay for his private school tuition...which is to say I'll be spending all the revenues on him.

To date my top selling book has sold 70,000 copies (some of those being paperbacks & hardcovers, others being ebooks and audiobooks). My goal is to sell at least half of that this time around. It's actually a huge goal for a self-published novel but if I'm going to do this I might as well aim for the stars.

If you haven't checked the book out yet, go to The Vanity, Vengeance And A Weekend In Vegas Blog Site and read the prologue and chapter 1, chapter 2 and (just released today) chapter 3. On Friday 24th, chapter 4. If you like what you read I hope you'll share it with your friends (if you don't like it, shh!).

And then, as I stated earlier, on Friday the 2nd the book will be available in its entirety. I plan to spend that day hiding under my covers and praying.  Obviously I only want you to buy the book if you like the first few chapters...but still, you should probably keep in mind that if you don't buy my book you might be pushing me into another bad relationship with the first random idiot who offers me dinner. You don't want that on your conscience, do you?

Kyra Davis
 Bestselling Author of:
The Sophie Katz Murder Mystery Series, 
and 
SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING

Maybe Valentine's Day Doesn't Have To Be Evil

In elementary school we would make envelopes shaped like giant hearts before every Valentine's Day. Then when the 14th rolled around we'd all put little cards in other people's heart envelopes. It was a given that you had to put a card in every one of your classmates hearts. The kids who knew how to win hearts and minds put candy in there too. On the weekend before or after Valentine's I would have all my girlfriends over and my grandmother would make us a heart-shaped Angle Food ice cream cake from scratch (she knew how to win hearts and minds too).

That was back when I still liked Valentine's Day.

Then came middle school.

There were no more heart shaped envelopes. Instead boys could send girls they liked candygrams and a rose through some Student Council fundraiser thingie. The Valentines would be delivered to people in the middle of class so everyone could see who got a Valentine...and who didn't.  As it turns out, middle school Valentines are for cheerleaders and perky blondes   A friend of mine (who is very attached to her left wing politics) once told me that she would be willing to give the Christian Right prayer in school if they would just place a ban on those damn candygrams. I agree. I'm Jewish and I would have gladly said the Rosary every flippin' day if I could have avoided watching so many of the other girls get candygrams while I walked away conspicuously empty handed.

I didn't do much better in high school. By my Jr. year  my friend Jackie decided that we should always be each other's Valentine. That helped...but it still didn't make me love the holiday.  Those ice cream cake parties were a distant memory that had been replaced by many more recent memories of rejection.

Then came college. There were boys to spare in college. Nobody cared that I didn't have blonde hair, and no one in the cities I went to college in (San Francisco & New York) wanted to be associated with cheerleaders. From an aesthetic perspective, the boys cared about curves and I had plenty of those. Finally I was the belle of the ball.  So you'd think that from that point on all my Valentine's Days would have been nothing but hearts, chocolates and flowers, right?

Wrong. Because it seemed that my relationships ALWAYS fell apart a week or two before February 14th. It was like the day was cursed. I could have dates every weekend for 11 months straight and come February it was like a damned drought. My dislike of the holiday turned into a total and utter contempt.

Land's End

And then I got married. My first Valentine's Day as a married woman was, to date, the best Valentine's of my life.  My husband picked me up from work and drove me to San Francisco's Lands End. There we had caviar and champagne while we watched the sunset and the stars pop up above the Golden Gate Bridge. He then took me home and I discovered that not only had he cleaned the apartment but had also transformed our living room into a mini restaurant. He had the song from the first dance of our wedding playing on the stereo. He had prepared an amazing gourmet dinner (he was a fantastic chef) and had even invested in some strawberry bubble bath to end our night with. How can you top that?

Well, of course the answer is, you can't. As the years went on our marriage became more and more strained. We never did have another truly spectacular Valentine's Day...in fact we rarely even observed the holiday at all. And after the divorce I found that my Valentine's Day curse was alive and well. If I was dating someone over the holiday there would be some reason why my then-boyfriend and I couldn't spend it together. If I had a date on Valentine's Day it would be a disaster.

In the beginning of this last January I was at Trader Joes and noticed that they were getting the V-Day stuff ready. "Ugh," I said to the cashier, "I hate that holiday."

He looked at me in surprise. "Really? I would think that someone like you would be inundated with flowers, candy and admirers on Valentine's Day."

I was quiet for a moment. I was dating someone at the time. "Maybe this year will be different," I said, carefully, "different from the last 25 years or so."

And in that moment I realized it wouldn't be. One truly good Valentine's Day in 25 years...the odds were against me. My relationship would end by February 14th.

And so it did. And as they play advertisement after advertisement promoting the holiday I feel a little like that middle school girl sitting on my hands in class watching the blonde cheerleaders get their flowers and candy.

Except...maybe the holiday doesn't have to be...that. Maybe Jackie had a point. I should turn to my friends and ask them to make it special.  My friend, Jay Michaels, the morning radio personality of Mix FM, has made me his Valentine. He lives in Indiana....oh, he's also gay. But more importantly he's totally awesome and I'm his Valentine and I know that tonight, in Indiana, a cosmo will be poured in my honor.  I'm also meeting up with my friend Mika the fabulous Food Fashionista. She's my girl Valentine. And then there's still Jackie, way up in Vancouver now, she's my Canadian Valentine. Maybe I'll even make a cake with my son in honor of my grandmother's memory.

Maybe the trick is to stop making this a holiday that reminds me of what I don't have and start making it a day that reminds me of what I do have.

No one's going to be sending me flowers this year...but maybe that's okay because lots of people are sending me love. 

Kyra Davis
Bestselling Author of:
The Sophie Katz Murder Mystery Series, 
and 
SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING

Embracing Imperfections

Tomorrow I'll be publishing chapter 2 of the next Sophie book but I thought I'd stop by here and write about some other things that have been on my mind.

Yesterday morning I was so pressed for time I actually forgot to put on makeup and didn't even  realize my mistake until about two o'clock in the afternoon when I walked into my son's school for a parent/teacher meeting. I figured the teacher wasn't going to judge me but I'll admit to being self-concious later in the day when I walked into a cafe to do some writing. And that's why it surprised me when, a minute or so after I had left the cafe, a man stopped me on the street to tell me how, "...incredibly pretty," I was. My first thought was that the sun must be in his eyes. Surely now that he had stopped me he would spot the pimple on my chin, the spattering of hyper-pigmentation on my right cheek, the brows that weren't perfectly plucked. "Now that he's stopped me he probably wishes he could take it back," I thought. But instead he just sort of gazed at me and said again, "Really, you're beautiful."

I thanked him and walked on, again wondering how he could have missed the pimple. I mean, the whole reason I never leave the house without makeup is because I don't have that kind of confidence. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm unattractive and I never wear heavy makeup. I'm not trying to emulate Dolly Parton here. But I always want to have at least a dusting of Bare Minerals and usually a sweep of bush...maybe a little mascara, just enough to enhance my better features and hide my imperfections (with an emphasis on the latter).

And that's the thing about LA. We live in this celebrity culture where we are sure that imperfections should never be tolerated. It's actually stressful. The majority of my friends spend a fortune on skincare products, botox, fillers, chemical peels, IPL facials and so on  Not me. I just spend a fortune on skincare products (really, it's where the majority of my limited disposable income goes). 

But the thing is, I also have friends who have resorted to full on plastic surgery and I know at least one Size 2 woman who got liposuction because she thought her thighs needed to be a little bit skinnier.  

See, no matter how naturally pretty a woman may be, if she lives in LA chances are she doesn't think she's pretty enough and the more she's complimented on her looks the more insecure she'll become about losing those looks. When people say things like, "You know Janey, the really beautiful woman I introduced you to yesterday?" they're helping define Janey by her looks. Janey is not being identified by her profession, her winning conversation or even her fashion sense. She's being defined by the thing she has the least amount of control over and that's going to give Janey a complex. That's going to send Janey to her Juvederm-injecting-dermatologist the first time she spots a wrinkle. Of course we all like compliments but it would help Janey out if people thought of her as "That beautiful lawyer." Or even, "Janey, that really beautiful woman who was debating politics." 

And in a weird way, the very fact that so many Angelinos stay active and keep in shape feeds into this insecurity. We think, well, if I don't feel my age why should I have to look it?

Of course, thanks to modern technology and some really good face creams we don't have to look our age, but we shouldn't be spending all our time and money looking for the fountain of youth either. We shouldn't feel ashamed of not being perfect. If we could all just say, "Yes, I'm going to take care of my body and my skin but I'm not going to obsess," I really think we'd all be the better for it. That compliment and my difficulty in believing in it made me realize that I was dangerously close to obsessing...that's not beautiful. In fact, it's kinda ugly.

Because the truth is, a few wrinkles, 5 extra pounds, a handful or two of freckles, those things won't detract from your natural beauty.  And, apparently, neither will a pimple. 

Kyra Davis 

Bestselling Author of: 

The Sophie Katz Murder Mystery Series,

 and 

SO MUCH FOR MY HAPPY ENDING