Today I was looking back at 2012 and for the first time I realized that if there was one word that could easily sum up the entire 12 months it would be "crazy."
A fun start....but that new relationship was over by the end of January. I distracted myself by working overtime trying to complete what would be my 1st self-published novel. That was a HUGE learning curve. A reader volunteered to do the cover but I didn't even know what to request of her. I didn't know how to format the book for the different e-readers or for a paperback version...I was clueless. But through blood, sweat and tears I worked it out and by mid March Vanity, Vengeance & A Weekend In Vegas hit the virtual shelves. Phew!
In April I applied for late admissions to get my son into a new school (for gifted kids with learning differences). The school gave me a list of things we had to do/provide them with to be eligible and my son and I immediately got to work. It was around then that I was contacted by an editor at Simon & Schuster asking if I'd like to write erotica for them. I said maybe, then no (I had my reasons). It was also in April that I reconciled with that guy.
In May we broke up again.
I immediately started a new relationship...with Audible.com who, after some minimal courting, convinced me to produce an audiobook for Vanity, Vengeance. I got in touch with Gabra Zackman, the woman who recorded the other Sophie books and asked if she would coproduce. She enthusiastically agreed and we were off and running...and by running I mean we were trying to figure out how to be producers. During that time there were some Hollywood writing projects I was up for...they ultimately came to nothing but I was researching and writing just in case.
Then in June my son got accepted to the school! To pay for the astronomically high tuition I started selling Lexus' to supplement my other income (it's a 50+ hr/week job). And just when I thought my plate was full Simon & Schuster came back to me with another offer. This time they didn't want me to write one erotica novel, they wanted me to write three erotic fiction novellas. The first manuscript to be due August 1st. But it was already June. It was impossible.
So I said yes.
And that was my summer. Cars, audiobooks & novellas.
We also finished production on the audiobook.
And my son started his new school.
....and I got back with that same guy.
But I did quit my Lexus job, I just couldn't balance everything. I spent the rest of the year writing two more books, helping my son transition to the school, working on my relationship...you know...stuff.
So in sum:...In 2012 I broke up with and got back together with the same person twice, I self-published a book, produced an audiobook, wrote three novellas, sold cars, tried (and failed) to get another Hollywood break, and got my son into a new school. It wasn't a smooth ride. It was turbulent- confusing-exciting-scary-wonderful-awful.
...and necessary. I don't regret anything I did in 2012. Even though that man that I was going back and forth with...well, after making it for 4 1/2 months straight (a record for us) we broke up. It happened just last week and this time it's for good. Considering our history you may be rolling your eyes at that but I can tell you with 100% certainty, it's over. I didn't feel that way after our other break-ups. But then the other times only lasted a month. Those short stints felt like false starts, this last time we really were a couple for a while and now that I've been given the opportunity to really try to make it work I can see that it can't. When he asked me to come back to him in August he told me that if I said no I would always wonder what would have happened if I said yes. He was right, but now I don't have to wonder. He's a good man and he influenced and inspired me in many different ways over the length of our romance/friendship. It's sad and I honestly wish him all the best in his life even though it's not a life I can be part of. I'm finally ready and willing to walk away.
And that's the thing about 2012, it was all about trying different things. Some things worked, others didn't. But I will never regret trying and I will never have to wonder, "What would have happened if..."
I don't know what 2013 will bring. I'd like a little more stability but I don't see that happening. In the end just another year without regrets would be fine. Honestly, I think that's the most any of us can realistically hope for. It may be the only thing that's within our control when things get...well, crazy.
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